The selfie: narcissism or a call for connection?

by Liz Getman

I sat on a plane across from a young person likely in their early to mid 20s. They took and shared a number of selfies, posing with a large Dunkin’ iced coffee, on both Snapchat and Instagram. A few other passengers, rather unkindly, smirked and rolled their eyes at their mini photo shoot. 

The coffee reminded me of my summer stint at a local mall, where I enjoyed my own daily iced coffee from Dunkin’ (or Dunkin’ Donuts as it was called back then). I had a slightly better version of the block Nokia phone, thus no selfies—save for the (goofy) selfies my dad took on disposable cameras during family vacations.

Fast forward 18 (eye twitch) years later. America still runs on Dunkin’. And we run on selfies.

The iced coffee selfie is a trend that has taken over Snapchat, TikTok, and Instagram, and is particularly popular with Gen Z and younger Millennials. It’s a byproduct of our selfie- and reel-loving culture, which, according to many social media critics and pundits, has become increasingly narcissistic.

Yet, when I looked at my fellow Spirit Airlines passenger, I wondered: Is this narcissism or a human need to be seen, validated, and part of something?

I’m not arguing that selfie culture isn’t problematic, or that external validation is always good for us. Research shows social media is detrimental to our mental health and can increase self-harm. Constantly comparing and competing with other users’ photos, videos, and followings is not the healthiest habit. It’s exhausting.

But someone’s decision to record parts of their lives or participate in a trend might be more than narcissism. Sharing a selfie or piece of content could also be an attempt to connect with others—especially in today’s pandemic-plagued world. I didn’t say this to the eye-rolling passengers, but maybe I should have.

Can we hold space for the need to change the cons (e.g. narcissistic tendencies) while acknowledging the pros (e.g. a sense of belonging)?

Plus, let’s be honest: Sometimes a reel or trend is fun. And funny. Especially if we’re caffeinated.